The psychological technique of gaslighting constitutes a process of psychological manipulation. The abuser seeks to undermine the trust and self-confidence of the victim by inducing doubts about their own memory, perception, and reasoning. This process is typically applied through various tactics, including continuous denial, misinformation, creation of contradictions and lies.
Instances of gaslighting may manifest in various forms, such as the abuser’s negative denial of the existence of prior instances of harassment or abuse, or even the creation of false events aimed at disorienting the victim. Through these practices, the abuser aims to destabilize the victim, causing uncertainty about the correctness of their own perceptions and beliefs.
The term “gaslighting” originates from the theatrical play “Gaslight” by Patrick Hamilton, first performed in 1938. The concept has expanded into the fields of psychiatry and research studies and is also used as a concept in political commentary. Overall, gaslighting represents a serious form of psychological abuse, seeking to undermine the psychological well-being and stability of the victim.
In the play “Gaslight,” the plot vividly describes a man’s attempt to convince his wife, as well as their closest ones, that she is suffering from a mental illness. The man employs various techniques, such as manipulating and altering small details in their environment, aiming to instil doubts in the victim about the accuracy of her memory and observations. An example of these psychological interventions that the husband applies is changing the lighting in their home, with the man causing this change after a murder incident. When the wife questions him about the changes, the man denies that anything has occurred, persuading her that what she observes is merely a product of her imagination. This particular play was adapted into the movies in 1940 and 1944, with the 1944 film released as “Gaslight.” A similar film is “The Girl on the Train” in 2016.
The term “gaslighting” was initially used informally in the 1960s to describe specific practices of psychological manipulation, where the reality of the victims is questioned aiming to control and undermine their self-esteem.
The method of gaslighting is often employed by sociopaths and narcissists and refers to a psychological technique where the abuser seeks to challenge the victim’s reality by violating social norms. Sociopaths and narcissists tend to exploit others, often lying to become more persuasive, seeking to charm the victim, and frequently using the method of continual denial that they themselves have done anything wrong or that any incident has occurred.
Manipulation is a complex phenomenon where the abuser often seeks to gain complete control over the victim’s emotions, thoughts, and actions using various hostile, coercive, and harassing methods of abuse always through charm and discretion. Such methods include hiding information, intense confrontation with the victim by presenting new information that supports the abuser, invalidating the victim’s statements, verbal abuse, diminishing the victim’s human worth, and undermining them, etc.
Research suggests that 1% of people consciously use this practice to harm the victim, while 20% do so as a defence mechanism. The rest may unconsciously use it periodically.
In which social settings may we experience Gaslighting?
Romantic relationships: The gaslighter’s goal is to undermine their partner’s self-esteem, causing an increasingly doubt of their perception and choices. This tactic subjects the victim to a dependent relationship on the abuser. Another strategy involves the gaslighter’s continuous contradictory reactions towards the victim, initially ignoring their needs, then responding fervently, and finally returning to avoidance, leaving the victim in uncertainty. The continuous exercise of this tactic leads to self-doubt and decreased self-esteem of the partner, who begins to question their own worth as a person and whether they deserve the affection of others.
Family: Examples of gaslighting are often found in the family environment, where physical and verbal abuse is observed, with the abuser denying and questioning any act of violence towards the victim while systematically denying any actual events. The same tactic has been documented in cases of spousal infidelity, where the abuser denies the existence of any act of infidelity, questioning all clear signs.
Work: In the workplace, gaslighting manifests by undermining colleagues, negatively impacting their professional career. Examples include isolating a colleague from discussions and impending exclusion from social activities, creating an environment where their professional opportunities are limited. Additionally, the abuser attempts to steer the conversation towards other topics, allowing the victim to be blamed for mistakes they did not commit.
Parenting: In parental relationships, questioning and doubting children is observed. An example is when a child cries, and the parent claims that the child is overly sensitive or intentionally crying with the ultimate goal of shaming the child into stopping crying. Very unpleasant consequences for the mental health of children are recorded when gaslighting is used in the school environment, potentially leading to serious psychological disorders such as depression and personality disorders.
Hospital/Psychiatric Environment: Interestingly, this phenomenon is observed in psychiatric hospital environments among patients and staff. Often, behaviors of questioning the patient’s narratives are encountered by specialized medical personnel. A classic example is when a doctor claims that the symptoms experienced by the patient are imaginary or that the patient is hypochondriacal. The victim may adopt the contradictions imposed by the abuser, affecting their balance.
These scenarios illustrate how gaslighting can infiltrate various aspects of life, causing significant harm to victims’ mental well-being and relationships.
Gaslighting is based on several tactics:
- Hiding information: This involves withholding information from the victim, causing them to increasingly doubt their perception and ultimately blaming themselves.
- Imposing changes on the victim’s personal choices: This may include dictating how the victim dresses, their dietary choices, or even their choice of friends. If the victim resists this tactic, the abuser moves on to the next stage of gaining control, attempting to convince the victim that they are unworthy as a person.
- Acquiring absolute control over the victim: This is achieved by fully dominating the victim, isolating them from their social environment, family, and friends to exercise absolute power over their thoughts, actions, and ultimately their life. In this way, the abuser seeks complete control and power over the victim, enjoying absolute satisfaction while simultaneously undermining the victim’s mental stability.
Gaslighting symptoms
Victims often find it challenging to identify the signs/symptoms of gaslighting as they either trust the abuser or have been convinced that they have a weak memory. Possible symptoms that indicate we are victims of someone gaslighting us may include:
- Feeling uncertain and doubting our perception
- Frequently questioning the quality of our memory, doubting whether we remember something correctly or not
- Beginning to believe that we are irrational or ‘crazy’
- Feeling unworthy, incapable, and inadequate
- Constantly apologizing to the abuser
- Frequently defending the abuser’s behavior to others.
- Being marginalized and isolated from our social network.
Gaslighting effect
Someone who has experienced gaslighting for a prolonged period, especially when this tactic has been part of a generalized abuse, may face various mental health issues such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder, or psychological trauma.
Possible underlying causes that lead someone to exercise Gaslighting;
Gaslighting is a behavior that people learn by observing the behaviors of others and apply through imitation. Abusers usually realize that this tactic is an effective way to gain what they want or control others. They are often individuals who want everything done their way and according to their needs, disregarding the needs of others.
Often, it is observed in individuals with personality disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Those who suffer from such disorders experience a constant need for attention and admiration, a belief that they are superior to everyone else, and naturally lack understanding and interest in others. The combination of these three symptoms often leads to unhealthy relationships.
However, those who employ gaslighting tactics do not necessarily suffer from a mental illness. It is a fact that anyone can adopt such abusive behavior willingly or unwillingly. It is known to be one of the many behavioral elements in our society aiming suppression. It has been observed that people in positions of power apply this tactic to damage the credibility of an individual/competitor or an entire group with the ultimate goal of weakening and suppressing them.
Ways to Deal with Gaslighting
- Identify the manipulation: The first important step is to recognize that we experience manipulation, whether it is done consciously or unconsciously by the abuser.
- Maintain composure and keep a distance: When we realize that someone is trying to manipulate us, it is normal to experience intense emotions such as anger, disappointment, fear, and doubt. At this point, it is important to maintain our composure so we can focus on the actual facts and perceive their false version. It is then ideal to distance ourselves from the situation, take some time for ourselves, and detach from the event. A walk, a warm shower, a few breathing exercises, or a hot tea will give us the time to reflect on the events.
- Establish boundaries: It is very important to set our boundaries and make our “red lines” clear.
- Terminate the relationship: If we notice that the abuser continues to try to control us, it is strongly recommended to terminate the relationship immediately.
What else can we do to protect ourselves?
- Always trust our perception, trust our gut, trust ourselves.
- Do not accept the other person’s opinion per se or without processing it. Talking to someone we trust completely can be particularly beneficial.
- Understand that there are many different perspectives, so our own perspective is not necessarily wrong.
- Recognize our worth in society.
- Have confidence in what we feel. It is our absolute right to feel however we want. Our feelings are of utmost importance, and we should not allow anyone to diminish their significance.
- Seek help from a licensed mental health professional.